The Splash of Wisdom

I am sure married men will agree with what is mentioned below: The wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It's your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You'll pay for this later The wife says: We need to talk The wife means: I need to complain The wife says: Sure… go ahead The wife means: I don't want you to The wife says: I'n not upset The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron The wife says: You're … so manly The wife means: She has some physical job for you The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights The wife means: She surely has seen an inspiring movie. The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient The wife means: I want a new house. The wife says: I want new curtains. The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper! The wife says: I need wedding shoes. The wife means: The other forty pairs...

A Plane is about to crash. There are 5 passengers on board, but there are only 4 parachutes. The 1st passenger say: "I am Ronaldo the best football player in the world. The football worlds needs me, and i cannot die on my fans." He grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane. The 2nd Passenger Hillary Clinton says : "I am the wife of the former president of the United States; I am the senator of New york and i have a good chance of being president of the United States in the future." She grabs a parachute and jumps off the plane. The 3rd passenger, George W. bush, says : "I am the president of the United States of America. I have huge responsibilities in the world. Besides, I am the smartest president in the history of my country and can't shun the responsibility to my people by dying." He grabs a pack and jumps off the plane. The 4th passenger, The Pope says to the fifth passenger, a young school boy : "I am old. I have lived my life as ...

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his  wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. 'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.  Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhaust...

T here was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took the farmer to court. The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure. The farmer replied, Your Honor, I am primitive. I don't have a proper measure, but I do have a scale." The judge asked, "Then how do you weigh the butter?" The farmer replied "Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker." Moral of the story: We get back in life what we give to others. Honesty and dishonesty becomes a habit. Choice of words and tact are important.

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,' Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.' The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'   The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives and girlfriends; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent t...

Standing in front of a shredder with a  piece of paper in his hand, "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"   "Certainly" said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need two copies." MORAL : "NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING"

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff. and he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff. and he was also gone. The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 2.00pm." MORAL OF THE STORY IS: "ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. Said he: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The audience was in silence and shock.The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"Laughter and applause. A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"The wife went wan with shock and rage.Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!" Moral : Don't copy if you can't paste!

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the  activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.  Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed  to communicate.  After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the  right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed  pillows on her right side.  A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family  grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left side.  Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, a nd then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said .... 'Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?' Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew: 'Bastards won't even let me fart.' Courtesy : Mail Fwd by Nishika Rebello

In a small city, there lived a homeless person who roamed about near the downtown district for most of the day. He would beg for some food and change, and then also make some money recycling soda cans and bottles. Once he had enough money, he would go to the nearest wine shop, buy some cheap liquor and drink away until he became stone drunk. Upon getting drunk, he would move about from block to block, stopping various passersby and ask them “Sir/Madam, Can you tell me the correct time?” Most of them would oblige, report the time and then walk on. The homeless man however would move on to the next person, and then ask the same question “Sir, what is the correct time!?”  One day, a new shopkeeper who has just set up shop in that area was sitting outside and doing some accounting. The shopkeeper happened to notice the activity of the drunkard for the first time. The homeless man kept asking the time to all the passersby. After three hours of this activity, the shopkeeper grew curious ...

Ashok, a fresh computer graduate from a world-class University, goes for an interview in a software company. The interviewer is Sunder, a grubby old man. And the first question he asks Ashok is, `Are you good at logic?'  `Of course,' replies Ashok.  `Let me test you,' replies Sunder. `Two men come down a chimney. One comes with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one would wash his face?' Ashok stares at Sunder. `Is that a test in Logic?' Sunder nods  `The one with the dirty face washes his face', Ashok answers wearily. `Wrong. The one with the clean face washes his face. Examine the simple logic. The one with the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks his face is clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the dirty face and thinks his face is dirty. So, the one with the clean face washes his face.' `Hmm. I never thought of that," says Ashok. `Give me another test.'  Sunder holds up two fin...

A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a response.” That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.” Then in a normal tone he asks, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?” No response. So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what’s ...

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after life with me."  And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.   Well, he died  . . .   He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait,   just a minute!" She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.  Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.  Her friend said, "I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."   The loya...

Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work. They are called "Spec Taters ". Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work. They are called "Comment Taters" Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands. They are called "Dick Taters". Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or to sweet.. They ?are called "Agie Taters". There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help. They are called "Hezzie Taters".  Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not. They are called "Immy Taters". Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever th...

Death came to a guy and said, "My friend, today is your day!"  The guy said, "But I'm not ready!" Then death said, "Well, your name is the next on my list...."  Guy: "Okay, then why don't you take a seat and I will get you something to eat before we go?"  Death: "All right.... " The guy gave death some food with sleeping pills in it. Death finished eating and fell into a deep sleep..... The guy took the list & removed his name from top of the list and put it in the bottom of the list.  When death woke up, he said to the guy, "Because you have been so very nice to me, I will start from the BOTTOM of the list...."  Moral : Accept whatever is written in your destiny. Destiny will never change, no matter how much you try… Courtesy : Mail Fwd by Nishika Rebello

This incident is about a Gujarati person named Kanjibhai. Long long time ago, before he got married, he was travelling from Ahmadabad to Bombay by train. Rupaben was also travelling in the same compartment except that they both didn't know each other in the beginning. Once they started talking, they realized they both had a lot in common. Both were Single. Both were Gujaratis. Both were going to Bombay. Both were Schoolteachers. Both were starting a new job at the Mithibai College. They seemed to hit it off well and decided to be roommates in Bombay and made a pact that they would do everything together. So they lived in the same house, travelled to the college together on Kanjibhai's scooter, had lunch in the staff room together, returned home together. They were watching the TV together, eating dinner together and were also sharing the same bedroom and ...EVEN sharing the same bed. The only problem was Rupaben was placing a pillow between them at bedtime, much to the frustr...

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.  Student : "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"   Professor : "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?" Student : "OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A". Professor : "Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?" Student : "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? " The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased. The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question a...

In the days of the British Raj  when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip to the Indian Sub-Continent. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local Schoolmaster.   In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for 'Water Closet'.  She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC.  She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC.. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a 'Wayside Church' near the house. A bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply: Dear Madam, I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capabl...

A man called home to his wife and said, " Honey,I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends We'll be gone for a week.  This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" " Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas. " The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.  The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to Do?" You'll like the answer...  The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box" Courtesy : ...

Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help? Sincerely, Mrs... Lisa Dear Lisa: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of ...