The Splash of Wisdom

R elationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking: Have we discussed whether or not we stay in a joint family & preparedness to willingly accept the new members? Do we have a clear idea of each other's financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh? Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores? Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental? Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect? Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears? Will there be a television in the bedroom? Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another's ideas and complaints? Have we reached a clear understanding of each other's spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when...

Previously, I wrote here on research about when you should play "hard to get" in relationships. That research also found an interesting distinction between behaviors that created "liking" and those that increased "desire" (Dai, Dong, & Jia, 2014). In other words, being easy, congenial, and friendly made a person more "likeable," but not more attractive or desirable as a romantic partner. In contrast, being aloof and challenging made a person more attractive and desirable, but did not make them likeable. This finding left me wondering whether this distinction between liking/friendship and desiring/attraction could be behind other romantic issues as well. After all, many individuals find it difficult to avoid or get out of the "friend zone" and build a romantic connection with a friend (see here and here). Similarly, "nice" men and women often feel like they finish last in relationships, being picked over for "bad"...

Have any of these things ever happened to you? Your boss—or your spouse or partner—takes forever to answer your email or text, if they answer it at all. You walk down the street and people look right past you. You’re taken for granted by someone you’ve worked hard to please. You race to get to an appointment on time…and the person no-shows. You submit a job application and don’t even get a rejection letter. As Elie Wiesel wrote, “The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference.” Indeed, being ignored can feel worse even than being rejected, making you feel as if you don’t matter at all. When you’re often treated with indifference, you can tend to write yourself off as unworthy; if that's your default emotion, it may be a sign that you might want to work on yourself. Take a look inward: Are you asking for too much? Should you work to improve something about yourself, such as your attitude when you make requests of others? You should consider these issues, but more often, the real...

A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Taiwan on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese man for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. One of the bank's employees then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Chinese man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business and this transaction worked out very nicely, but we are a little pu...

While many of us may have sensed it intuitively, there is now science behind the statement that "Love is all you need." A 75-year longitudinal study by Harvard researchers suggests that love is indeed key to a happy and fulfilling life. While love seems to be a universally valued attribute, defining it in behavioral terms can be a challenge. As the Harvard study's lead researcher, Dr. George Vaillant, wrote of his team's findings, two essential ingredients are proven to correlate with a happy existence: "One is love. The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away." While many of us believe we would like to be in love, we face many hurdles in taking the actions that allow love to flow freely throughout our lives and relationships. We have many ways of defending ourselves against love and can struggle to give and receive love with ease, openness and vulnerability. With love being so closely connected to meaning and fulfillment, it...

L ets see the correct way to cook instant noodles without harming our bodies and health. `Normally, how we cook the instant noodles is to put the noodles into a pot with water, throw in the powder and let it cook for around 3 minutes and then it's ready to eat. This is the WRONG method of cooking the instant noodles. By doing this, when we actually boil the ingredients in the powder, normally with MSG, it will change the molecular structures of the MSG causing it to be toxic. The other thing that you may or may not realize is that, the noodles are coated with wax and it will take around 4 to 5 days for the body to excrete the wax after you have taken the noodles. CORRECT METHOD : 1. boil the noodles in a pot with water. 2. once the noodles is cooked, take out the noodles, and throw away the water which contains wax. 3. boil another pot of water till boiling and put the noodles into the hot boiling water and then shut the fire. 4. only at this stage when the fire is off, and w...

The conventional wisdom is that we choose friends because of who they are. But it turns out that we actually love them because of the way they support who we are. When people are asked, "What gives meaning to your life?" friendship figures at the top of the list. Yet the dynamics of friendship have remained mysterious and unquantifiable. Like romantic love, friendships were thought to "just happen." New research shows that the dance of friendship is nuanced—far more complex than commonly thought. With intriguing accuracy, sociologists and psychologists have delineated the forces that attract and bind friends to each other, beginning with the transition from acquaintanceship to friendship. They've traced the patterns of intimacy that emerge between friends and deduced the once ineffable "something" that elevates a friend to the vaunted status of "best." These interactions are minute but profound; they are the dark matter of friendship. Enterin...